Quality TV

I wonder what would come to your mind if I were to ask you to describe Hollywood's progression of the caricature of men on the comedy and sitcom screen over the last thirty years (providing you watch this TV genre). The images and caricatures that come to mind for me range from Homer Simpson, to the Big Bang Theory, and finally to Family Guy. I realize the examples which came to mind are not a very large sample and there may be other shows that come to your mind beyond the ones that came to mine. There may be some positive character qualities portrayed in the male characters from the above named shows but, for the most part, these shows cast a negative light on being a guy. It seems as if dads and men have become the humor punching bag for what ails families. If we do see positive characterizations of men it seems they are being set up for failure which then causes us to wonder when they're going to fall. If watching the above named shows was my only example of what it was to be a guy I'm sure I'd laugh at the humor poked at us, but deep down I'd be ashamed of being a guy. Is this then to say there isn't any truth in the messages conveyed about guys from these and other shows like them? No, but that is a topic for another time.

Enter in the show Blue Bloods still running on CBS in it's sixth season (five seasons available on Amazon Prime). Although Blue Bloods is not a comedy or sitcom, I've been refreshed by the positive portrayals of men. I found myself over and over marveling that Hollywood would produce such a show because it is so opposite to it's past offerings (granted in a different genre). This is not to say Blue Bloods is a perfect show because it isn't (language, alcoholic consumption, violent crime scenes, some immorality, and social justice offerings). 

The show is built around four generations of the Reagan family living and operating in New York City in different facets of the police and justice system in Manhattan. Grandpa is a widower and former police commissioner (referred to as Pop). Frank, himself a widower, is Pop's only son and the current NYPD police commissioner after spending decades himself on the job as an officer and detective. His oldest son Danny is an Iraq veteran, police detective in the NYPD, and husband to Linda. Linda is a nurse and she and Danny are parents to Jack and Shawn who are in grade-school. Frank's second child is Erin who is a divorced-single mom who works as an Assistant District Attorney in Manhattan by day and is a frazzled mother to teenager Nikki by night. Third in line is Jamie who is a beat-officer working his way up the ranks.   

  

The interplay of family dynamics mixed with the jobs of each character is what brings the show to life, and why I'd recommend it as a refreshing display of both genuine and flawed characters. Family, led by strong, positive, balanced male leadership in Pop and Frank is what allows this family to operate with smooth efficiency. They're not perfect but I believe the bedrock of each family should be the father. Their Catholic faith lends a strong moral fiber to their decisions and family cohesion (every episode has at least one family dinner scene in it). Their ethics are strong even if it means making tough decisions which negatively impact friends or colleagues. Yet they are expressive, independent, opinionated and volatile (Irish heritage).  

The men are not perfect, and neither is the show, but its a wonderful break from the father/dad/guy bashing of other shows. Watching this show I find myself uplifted and given a positive example of what it means to be a husband and father. Thank you Hollywood for finally producing a show which positively portrays men!

#hollywood #tv #family

I Am Loved

I recently had the privilege of speaking at a conference in NH to an audience of roughly fifty people. As I was preparing to speak I had multiple themes, ideas, and questions running through my mind. "What would be most relevant? What has God been teaching me recently that I could share about? What does the Holy Spirit want me to share on?" were some of those questions. I was struck by the notion of tying whatever I spoke on back to a concept or idea from my work as a counselor. Huh, now there's a new thought which opens up a whole new realm of possibilities for topics.

My answer came in the form of the new sermon series begun recently at Lancaster Alliance Church in Lancaster, PA. We are studying the book of Ephesians and how Ephesians addresses the concept of identity. Eureka! The more I thought about it the more I could see the concept of identity woven into the very fiber of my own personal wrestling, the wrestling of the clients I work with, and I daresay each reader wrestles with this or has wrestled with it at some point in their lives. It's part of the human condition to wonder, "Who am I? Does God really care? How do I find the strength to endure this pain or suffering?"

Before I delve too deeply into the richness of this topic, let me set a bit of context. First off, I'm not sure what comes to mind when you think of counseling but I've got to tell you, there are no couches in my office. So if your concept of counseling/therapy is coming into my office lying back and telling me all your problems you've got what I do all wrong. Second, if I've been properly trained and am practicing as I've been trained, I'm supposed to be like Jesus. In that, if you were to ask me a question, like Jesus, I'm not going to answer you directly but instead will most likely respond with another question. Now, depending on the client and where we are in the relationship, I might answer a direct question (seeing as I haven't quite attained the lofty standard of being entirely like Jesus quite yet). Finally, to most counselors my sample size is still fairly small. The observations I'm offering are from almost four-hundred hours of client contact (groups, individual sessions, and intakes). Still, to me that seems like a lot of hours of work in the trenches. Back to identity...

Each client is different and arrives at this concept via different routes, but so far I can say with confidence that every client faces questions like these during our work together. If I were to ask you the question on a spiritual level, "Who are you?" I'm betting a majority of church-people will give a rote response such as, "I'm a child of God" or "I'm a son/daughter of God." The reality is you're speaking truth but in actuality I think sometimes this phrase has become "churchified" where we have no idea what that really means, yet we say it and think that's all we have to say on the subject. The reality is, there is so much more to that truth!

 I see my work as a unique opportunity to help create space for the Holy Spirit to enter in and help reveal Truth, and I love helping clients connect with the life and freedom which Jesus' death and resurrection has already bought and paid for for them. After all, He is the only One who can facilitate lasting change. As such, and where we headed next in my talk, what does God have to say about identity in His Word? The Bible is full of lessons and principles on identity but I chose to hone in on one specific passage found in Ephesians 2:4-5 which says:

"But God, being miserly in mercy because of the great hatred with which he hated us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us suffer together with Christ--by performance you have been saved..."

Wait a minute! What did you just say?!! That's not what my version of Ephesians says! You're absolutely right. But more often than naught, sometimes we live out of the false version above. Where we believe performance will save us. Or God is just waiting to drop the hammer on us.

Here is what the actual passage says:

"But God, being rich in mercy because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ--by grace you have been saved..." (Eph. 2:4-5 ESV)

So what is the passage really saying? What does it mean? Simple and yet profound truth: You are loved. Period. Even when you were so messed up God still loved you. No. Matter. What. The personalized message of this passage is, I am loved.

Some of you may say, "Clyde, I've heard this before. I know what you're saying is true but for some reason I either can't remember or can't fully connect with the truth of this reality." To which I'd say, "You're not alone." There are lies we each have been told. Lies we've wrapped our identity around and have built sand castles with. Lies such as, "You're worth is dependent on your performance" or "No one will really love you if they know who you really are" or "I have to be perfect."  I daresay for some reading this you've thought of other lies you've built your life around. Lies you've come to recognize and some you're still believing.

The Holy Spirit is knocking on the doors of those lies and is saying, "Let me in, I love you just the way you are. You've been believing a lie. It's not true."

Jesus talks about the truth setting us free. The simple, profound, unexplainable mystery is that we are loved. Not for anything we do but for who we are in Christ. I am loved. You are loved. This truth doesn't then mean we should be content with stopping there. Instead, as we live from a place where we can believe we're truly loved we can move mountains. Think for a moment what your life would be like if you didn't live in fear of ________ (people, risk, God; fill in the blank)? Our identity begins with the truth that we are loved. When we meditate on, live out of, and breathe this Truth anything is possible.

So here's my personal challenge to you. 3x over the next seven days I want you to tell yourself "I am loved." It's not mysticism when it's truth. Maybe it's during an incredibly stressful time. Maybe it's when life is going great! Maybe you tell yourself this truth somewhere in the middle. You'll be amazed at the difference it makes in how you view whatever you're facing. Remember, I am loved.

Why I Write

Phew! It's been a while since I've tickled the keys of my keyboard to compose a post. A lot of life has happened since May. Some of which I may share and some of which I won't. I return to writing with a new perspective on the content I have to offer. I find myself consistently asking myself the question, "Why am I generating any type of content?" My updated answer is childishly simple really, but it's been percolating internally for a while now, "Because it's something I like, enjoy, or feel is important."

This is in contrast to previous posts and writings. Sometimes consciously and sometimes not, I'd try to create content in an effort to garner a response. In other words, I was letting the audience dictate what I would or wouldn't say rather than thinking and creating content for myself. No, the intent is not to veer off into pure narcissism (there's already enough of that in this world). Rather, my goal is to think for myself and talk about things I personally find appealing, interesting, or evoke a response in me. If you happen to agree and would like to join the conversation you certainly may.

On occasion, I'll be talking to God and you get to listen in. Or I might rant against some recent tragedy or social issue. I might even share spiritual insights or lessons God has been teaching me recently. Consider yourself lucky to be along for the ride (or not, but you're the one who's chosen to take the time to read these words anyway).

To this end, you'll see a different shift and flavor in the posts. Don't worry. Some of the posts I've published already still do qualify as coming from me, but my expectation for interaction is lessened. We'll see where this new season of writing goes and now you know why I write.